5.11.08

how it should be

Chris woke up in a sweat. He was fully clothed. Just his shoes off. He laid there for a moment wondering where he was? He was in his own bed. Of course, alone. He sighed with a blink then looked at his bandaged hand. Chris closed his eyes then. It was all so muddled.

He took in a deep breath, wondering what Max really thought when he was here. The place was a wreck, actually, yet so empty.

Chris did his best to lift himself up on his elbows. It occurred to him then that Max really was just an honest to God nice person who had no intentions with him what so ever. This was definitely all one sided, wasn't it? It was.

He laid back and just stared at the still ceiling fan then over his bed. He could see the dust on it from here. Honestly, the whole place was quite pathetic. Whithered by harsh winters and even hot summers. It was not going to get any help from one of those HGTV shows. It was a settled yet old two bedroom house that was considered a starter home. Of course, Chris took in the chill that surrounded him, knowing good and well, he wasn't going to start anything here.

Dayton was gone. He'd expected that. He was numb of him. It was if there was nothing to say now. What was.... was maybe a surreal moment that time would soon forget. But somehow he couldn't quite shake the idea of how close his body had been to Dayton. Skin colliding. It still seemed peculiar now that he'd actually been with someone so close to his age. But really, it was all together different from the harsh reality that kicked in so long ago when he was just a kid. No one wanted to know about that stuff. It was just as well... long gone, too. Had never told anyone he'd been damaged long before he ever started school and then it just floated around him like a fog. The joy of a tainted life that no one really wanted to figure out. It slipped into quietness, after awhile. And it was gone. But he really didn't miss it much.

But then it was the matter of this was all he had. All of it.

Why did Max have to come around? It haunted him now, coming up out of his chest in a heaviness that he could only sink with tears. But the silence prevailed. He could maybe take a pain pill, but he wouldn't. Instead he just wanted to drift into the pain. It was all he really deserved. He was certain of it now. He could very well have a good life. Alone.

Chris swallowed the flem back in his throat.

7 comments:

Cate said...

This is all definitely not one sided. I like Chris more by the minute. Max doesn't just come around because he's a good person, even though that's what he is. There is a reason for Max always coming around to see Chris.

Psyconym said...

Thanks honey, Your right to say hang on in there. I am feeling a lot better. Hows you?

xxx

autumn said...

oh, i wanted to give him a hug. lol. but i agree with Cate, i wanna know the reason behind why Max's good to him. *grins*

Natalie! said...

Ugh, I can't believe I keep missing posts in between!

I really like how we've sort of taken a break from Bex and Oliver for a little bit, and focused more on Chris. I've said it before and I'll say it again, he is such a great character. I wish I could reach in there, give him a hug, and tell him that it'll all be okay! He doesn't deserve all the pain that he's facing, even if he thinks so. He's not better off alone!

taffy. said...

NO!
MAX WANTS YOU, GOD DAMN IT!

ellie's kyle said...

Aw..Chris. I love him.

dawn said...

i feel positive that chris will find his way. he'll learn how to own what he really wants and find what he really needs. i believe in him.