Oliver sat in silence all the way home. Wasn't much he could say or even do to make this better. There was nothing. Nothing.
The next thing he knew, Bex had drawn him a hot bath. She'd poured in some lavender extract along with other oils that might help him sleep. He hadn't expected that.
"You might feel better, you need to unwind," she told him.
"I'm just fine." Of course, he felt a tad jumpy. He'd been more than jumpy before. It was like that when he was around Izzy. Never a dull moment. And it always felt he got the brunt of it. All this time.
She undressed him before he had any say in the matter.
"I just feel awful about all this, " she told him. "Its my fault not yours."
"No." He didn't believe that for a second. It was his doing. He'd left her to her own devices. She'd seemed so well for quite sometime. And he'd just forgotten how she could be. OK, when she knocked him out over the "I might lose my job matter" could have been enough to make him wonder if she was OK. But it hadn't stopped him from wanting what he wanted instead of where he needed to be.
"Your parents need to take care of her, not you." Bex would say that.
He didn't answer her. He just sank into the hot tub then and let the calm water take over him.
"Aren't you going to get in?" He thought she would. What was wrong with her?
"Sorry. Can't." She winced a little. "But I'll wash your back." She got on her knees then and did just that. He loved her touch, and it just made him smile.
"You're just the best, Bex," Oliver told her then. "I knew that the first moment I met you." It was so vivid in his mind the first time he saw her at the library. He was so happy to see that she'd be working there. He'd checked out books to her years ago, it seemed now. He was always happy to see what she'd be reading. Where she might be going. How he wished he could keep her company. And then she got the job. It was like a prayer answered that he'd never spoken.
"No, you're the best," she smiled back. "You bring the best out of me."
"I wish. I wish I was someone else, sometimes," he started to cry. Oliver couldn't stop crying.
"Don't say that. I wouldn't want you to be anyone else," Bex kept busy, trying to stay upbeat, washing his hair now.
He so wanted to believe that. He did, but he just couldn't. Something, kept him from it. He tried not to think about it with the suds and her fingers in his hair. So gentle and tender. It was so amazing. He couldn't deserve this.
Oliver went under then. And for a flash of a second he knew. He knew what was coming. He knew where he'd been. The answer was right there with him all along. He knew who the father was to that baby. There was no mystery. None at all. Maybe he could drown right now. He stayed under the murky water.