especially not

Nancy knew she'd really messed this up. She had. She wasn't sure how, but she had. And she laid there like a brick in the hospital bed while everything else moved around her.

She'd hear her mother talk from time to time about how well she was doing. So well, but Nancy could barely say three words as of yet. Why was she having such a hard time? And it was so slow with the left hand. What if she never used her arm or any of it ever again?

It was useless. All so useless. She was ready to give up.

Wasn't this what she wanted, anyway? Not exactly. But she hadn't really wanted to have to take care of the baby. It scared her a little and then there was the thought that she'd had Dayton's baby. Maybe.

She got kind of a look at the baby, but not really. It was fuzzy in her mind now. Nancy however recalled how the baby felt when it was pulled out of her stomach. It wasn't painful. She knew it would have been if she hadn't had the surgery. But she doubted she could ever actually look at the scar.

Geoff had. He told her it was nothing to worry about. It was small. She was still her frail self.

Warm tears just appeared out of no where from time to time. She couldn't even reach for a tissue. Of course, she was the most impatient person in the world, and she thought she might go crazy with all this waiting. Of course, she didn't know where she'd go if she could anyway. It was even difficult to swallow. Was it suppose to be that way? There seemed to be no way to talk about it. She didn't care how far she'd came from the day before. She didn't notice any changes. The exercises were a struggle and tiring. If only they could give her something to sleep.

"Well, you have been sleeping," Geoff said in one of those afternoons he came right after school.

She tried to shake her head, no. The next thing she knew he wasn't there. Someone else was and it wasn't Dayton and the baby. He'd come with Geoff usually, but not always.

This was a stranger to her, yet not. She knew she knew him from somewhere. She knew him. She did. How had he found her? She struggled to sit up and listen to him, but she wanted Geoff to be there too. She didn't want to be alone with him. She didn't. She especially didn't want him to see the baby.


natalie said...

Oh, poor Nancy! Even though we just got an insight to what she's dealing with, I could never imagine having to be in her position. I hope that she gets to actually see the baby eventually D:

e.l. said...

That is awful sad about nancy. I wonder who the mystery man is?

simon n josh said...

I feel so sad for her. It must be so scary.