13.1.09

The third time isn't always a charm

The first time he dreamed about running Bex over in the library parking lot, Dayton woke up in a sweat realising how much pleasure came to him from doing such a thing. He didn't sleep the rest of the night. He didn't really want to hurt Bex. Honestly, that wasn't what he wanted. And it scared him that a part of him wanted it so badly. It felt as if something was taking over him and he didn't know how to stop it. How could he keep it from happening?

Dayton started walking everywhere after that. Better chance of not running into Bex. Especially, if he was in a vehicle. Besides, there was that threat of the DUI to contend with. Only, it hadn't really helped to stop drinking. Dayton knew deep down he was a bad person.

Second time he dreamed about running over Bex, he just scared her and she fell, but it was still bad. It was all his fault that she lost the baby. All his damn fault. He woke up in tears about that. It made him so sick that he ended up throwing up. He didn't want to do such a horrible thing. He didn't.

But then he started to think if she had the baby. He could kidnap the baby. It would be his baby then. This troubled him even more. These thoughts would strike him at the most unwanted time. Usually, during As the World Turns. Damn, he was really beginning to like that gay storyline. And he kept waiting for them to bring Jonathon back on Guiding Light because the actor reminded him of Geoff. Only that character was one fucked up dude which usually cracked him up until now.

What would he do with a baby, anyway? He remembered how he used to talk to Bex about it. No kids. He didn't want kids. Didn't want to hear the word. Why had it scared him so much? Was it the idea of what a bad father he'd make? And yet, he'd been such a control freak about it. He didn't want her taking birth control meds, either. Better chance, she could be doing something behind his back if she did. He guessed. He didn't know now. All he could think about was how his own father had treated his mother on the issue. It was all that he knew. It was all that he remembered. And now they treated him like shit.

He'd treat a kid like shit. He knew it. Deep down, that was just it.

6 comments:

ellie said...

Jonathon from Guiding Light is quite a character. I'm glad Geoff isn't like him.

Dayton is rather complicated.

Siska said...

so sad.

diane said...

Wow, a true writer's blog! Thank you for such a nice comment on my page; it's the ultimate compliment coming from a writer like you. Cheers.

Ivy said...

Maybe Dayton is figuring out some stuff about himself.

cady x said...

I think Dayton is my favorite now. It's disturbing.

In a good way.

taffy. said...

Dayton isn't bad.